An interview with Arceus
by Adam El Tablawy
Summary: A oneshot of a stupid story that popped into my head. Flames AND positive reviews are welcome. Quite simply, A reporter interviews Arceus and asks him a few questions. Nothing really philosophical. Edit: No longer limited to Arceus! More legendaries (and a few people) coming up.


**A/N This is just a silly story I suddenly had the urge to do. This could be used as a guide to explain everyone's personalities. There are just two main people in this: Arceus and a Reporter. They are both in Arceus's room.**

**Without further Adieu, let it begin!**

* * *

"So, Mr. God-"

"Just call me Arceus, please."

"Very well. So, Mr. Arceus, all our viewers down in the mortal world are keen to know; What exactly is it like being God?"

"Harder than you would think. Unlike all you mortals think, I'm not omnipotent."

"You aren't?!"

"Nope. Have you ever heard of the Omnipotence paradox?"

"Not that I know of."

"Well, it goes like this. Is it possible for me to make a rock so heavy that I couldn't lift it?"

"Obviously."

"But that's where you're wrong. Omnipotence is being able to do anything. So if I could make a rock so heavy that I wasn't able to lift it..."

"You wouldn't be Omnipotent."

"And if I COULDN'T make that rock in the first place..."

"You also wouldn't be Omnipotent!"

"Correct."

"So can you?"

"Can I what?"

"Make a rock so heavy that you couldn't lift it?"

"MOVING ON!"

"But you didn't answer my que-"

"GOD IS MOVING ON!"

"...Fine. So you were saying that it is harder than it seems to be you."

"Exactly. While I don't have INFINITE power, I still have a lot. Enough, actually to create our multiverse and still have time for tea."

"Wait. We live in a multiverse?"

"Obviously. This is a separate Dimension, Palkia and Dialga live in a separate dimension, the Unown live in a separate UNIVERSE..."

"How many are there?"

"OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAND!"

"..."

"Sorry, I've always wanted to do that. Anyway, there are as many universes as there are choices in a millenium for each person. And each one has millions of alternate dimensions. Right now, we sit at the center."

"Ah."

"So, with all of those universes, I need a lot of power to keep them up, and a lot of time. So while the main part of my consciousness is talking to you, my subconscious is mending those universes. This is also why I can't attune to each and every person's problems at the same time: There are simply too many universes to deal with at once."

"Why did you make so many, then?"

"I was floating in an infinite void. I didn't like voids. So I banished it into the negative square root of infinity and replaced it with this Multiverse."

"I see. So, are any of the concepts we have about you right?"

"Almost 100%. I was born from an egg in nothing, I created Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina, the Lake trio, and all the other legends."

"Do all of their powers extend to only this dimension, or all of them?"

"I don't believe I understand what you mean."

"I mean, does, for example, Rayquaza's power over air extend to this universe, or all of them?"

"All of them. However, they can't consciously handle all of those universes; Heck, even _I _cant. So there is some essence of them entrenched in all universes. They aren't present on each planet, however."

"Why did you choose our planet?"

"It seemed nice. Plus, it was the closest thing to me at the time. So I decided to settle here, and establish the Hall of Origin's roots here."

"What about Mew?"

"Hm?"

"Mew is the Ancestor of all Pokemon. But you are a Pokemon, and created the universe. Which one of you came first?"

"Well, when I hatched from that egg and used it's shell to create the creation trio, my Psychic plate reacted violently to Dialga. Thus, Mew was born out of pure Psychic energy, dating before me. She, who was...Sane, I suppose, at that time, used part of her power to make my egg. Thus, we created each other."

"Wow."

"Indeed."

"So, is there anything else that makes it difficult being you?"

"The other legends."

"What? Why?"

"To put it frankly, it's like raising a bunch of super-powered babies."

There was a snort of laughter. "Really?"

"Yes. Very much so. Let me give you an example."

* * *

_Flashback_

Arceus, Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina were sitting at a table, eating dinner. Uxie, Mespirit and Azelf buzzed around Arceus's head. A radio crackled in the corner, despite the fact that there was a perfectly good boombox close by.

Unexpectedly, Dialga flicked some mashed Siichi berries (Made up berry) at Palkia. The red paste splattered on Palkia's forehead, burning his eyes as it dripped down.

Palkia stiffened, then slowly turned toward the cackling Dialga. He then hissed; "What was that for?"

"Because."

"Because what?!"

"Because you look gay."

Palkia stiffened further. "You take that back."

"Nope."

"Take it back, now!"

"Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?" Dialga taunted.

"Take it back before I shove this plate up your ass."

"Ooh, shoving things up people's asses. That definitely doesn't make you gay!"

"And YOU don't have hands."

"Oooh, oh no he didn't!" Giratina sang, enjoying the argument.

Dialga glared. "Oh really? Who's the pink one here?"

"What's wrong with pink?" Mespirit asked, offended.

"Nothing! On women. Unless there's something you're hiding, Palkia, hmmm?!" Dialga said, getting in Palkia's face.

"Palkia is male." Uxie said monotonously.

"And how would you know?" Dialga asked, irritated.

"I know everything."

"Oh." Dialga said stupidly. "Right."

Giratina burst out laughing. "Oh man, you two numbskulls really are the idiots of the family! No wonder father likes ME best." She said, gloating.

The two stiffened. Giratina had just crossed into dangerous territory there.

"Hey, shut up! You don't know that! No one does!" Palkia said angrily.

"I do."

"SHUT UP, UXIE!" Everyone roared. Uxie remained impassive. "I knew you would do that, too."

"Why'd you do it, then?" Azelf asked.

"No matter how many times I think about it, it still gets funnier every time." He said, a smirk crossing his face.

Palkia and Giratina were now in a scuffle.

"Dad, do something!" Dialga whined, poking the fuming Arceus as he viciously stabbed his steak with a knife.

"Call me a faggot ONE MORE TIME! I DARE YOU!" Palkia, roared.

"I don't have to! You look like one!"

"Always with the pink! Stop mocking me!"

"Not the pink, moron! Think: What part of a man looks like you do?"

Palkia, Dialga, Mespirit, Azelf, and even Uxie stiffened. NO ONE taunted Palkia about what he looked like.

With an eerie slowness, Palkia asked "What was that?"

"I'm saying you look like a pink d***, you idiot!" Giratina cackled.

Palkia snapped, and grabbed the table and began beating Giratina with it.

Arceus, now without a steak to take out his frustration on, accidentally stabbed himself in the foot.

That was the final straw.

Without one word, Arceus flared bright yellow, and shot up from his seat.

"This will not end well." Uxie said emotionlessly.

**_ENOUGH!_** Arceus screamed in a telepathic voice so loud that it KOed most of the pokemon outside fainted or went comatose, felled trees when no one was there, set babies crying all over the world, and shattered STONE.

_**I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU! BE**_**_QUIET!_**

Now, Arceus normally had a calm telepathic voice. But, when angered, he not only spoke from the mind, but the soul itself, terrifying anyone who heard it. This is what the trio were experiencing now.

Without another terrifying word, Arceus blasted the three with a massive Judgement, destroying the room and KOing everyone in a hundred meter radius.

* * *

"Wow."

"Indeed. And that's the LEAST inflammatory of them all."

"Say, why did you make them like that?"

"Make who like what?"

"I noticed that a lot of Pokemon have odd body styles. Like Palkia, for example."

"Ugh. I was wondering when you would get around to that...Truth is, I wasn't thinking of that when I made Palkia OR Reshiram."

"What about Darkai? He doesn't have ears, a mouth, or a nose."

"He does, they're just obscured by the darkness that is his face."

"And Vanillite? It looks like an Ice cream cone."

"To be honest, I thought that one would be funny. And it was!"

"Huh. Well. I...I really didn't expect that answer."

"Yes, yes. I get that a lot. Anyway, the other legends are a bit more tolerable."

"Really?"

"Yes. Here, I wrote a guidebook for newcomers to help them survive a few days here."

"Let me take a look at that..."

* * *

Cresselia: Sweet most of the time, utterly sociopathic at others.

Darkrai: A prankster, but noble. Terrified of Cresselia.

Zapdos: Arrogant and Terrifying.

Moltres: Rude and Grouchy to the extreme.

Articuno: Friendlier than her brother and sister, but a bit _too_ jolly at times.

Lugia: Most of the day, he's exasperated with the birds, so he's not much of a talker.

Ho-oh: VAIN. VERY VAIN.

Raikou: A smartass.

Entei: Smart, but easily tired.

Suicune: Very bossy and assertive.

Celebi: A quieter version of Mew. Not as chaotic either.

Regirock: He has rocks for brains. The stupidest of the lot.

Registeel: The smartest of the trio. Quiet, though. Always refer to him as male. He and the rest of them get angry if you don't, even if they are genderless.

Regice: No one really understands what Regice says. Even telepathy is a guess. She beeps most of the time. For some reason, she gets irrationally angry if you mention Pie.

Regigigigas: Quiet, and careful. His anger is explosive.

Latios: Very protective of his sister. He will put you in a coma if you touch her.

Latias: Very timid, but friendly with everyone.

Rayquaza: The personification of "The incompetent knight." He takes charge and is brave most of the time, but he is...well, pretty dumb.

Kyogre: Hates Groudon.

Groudon: Perverted, and hates Kyogre.

Jirachi: Sleepy, but very intelligent. He's goofy for the first few days he's awake, though.

Deoxys: A mad scientist, but pretty emotional at times. He hates his portrayal in Phineas and Ferb as the idiot scientist.

Uxie: Emotionless. Even though he knows everything, he's pretty easy to get the drop on, if you are random enough. This is why he hates Mew.

Azelf: Spirited and Energetic. Not too bright.

Mespirit: Very, very emotional, even though she lacks emotions.

Palkia: Sensitive about what he looks like. Has an intense rivalry with Dialga.

Dialga: Loves to irritate Palkia.

Giratina: Very terrifying. Usually intervenes in Dialga and Palkia's fighting, but also tends to start it.

Manaphy: Very sweet and babyish. Cries easily.

Phione: Like Manaphy, but is oddly enough a fan of bloody horror movies. This is not unnoticed.

Heatran: A very, very curious legendary. Sadly, curiosity has and will again kill the cat, or in this case the Heatran. Luckily, in really bad cases Ho-oh revives him.

Shaymin: There aren't many words that can describe this pokemon.*

Victini: Very friendly, but timid.

Terrakion: Quite literally, TERRAKION SMASH!

Virizon: Vain.

Cobalion: He loves to glare at people and scare them.

Keldeo: Proud and a bit Boastful, but will retreat soon if he thinks he got into too big of a mess.

Melloetta: Loves to sing and dance. Does so at inopportune times.

Genesect: He and Regice connect, most probably because they love to beep.

Reshiram: Always tells the truth, no matter how brutal. She says that a truth not told is a lie, however small.

Zeckrom: Has many ideas. Almost all of them explode in the end.

Kyurem: Very violent and cruel.

Tornadus: Destructive.

Thundurus: Somehow even MORE destructive.

Landorus: He hits on anything that moves. Females, beware!

Mewtwo: He is the most boring thing in existence.

Mew: Mew is Mew. 'Nuff said.

* * *

"...Wow. This is a rather short book, isn't it?"

"It's a pamphlet."

"Ah. You know, it seems like a thinly veiled attempt to put a description of a character's personalities into some sort of badly written story."

"Could you stop leaning on the fourth wall?"

"Well now you've broken it."

"Nu-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Nu-wait, what am I doing?"

"I'm not sure."

"Anyway, I noticed something vague in that pamphlet."

"Do tell."

"It said 'Mew is Mew.' What do you mean by that?"

"Mew is...difficult to explain."

"How so?"

"Well, she's...she's just...random. Chaotic."

"Really? How?"

"Let me give you a bit of a more detailed explanation: Mew is, in herself, the purest form of Chaos. No, not even that. Chaos follows an order: Whatever you least expect to happen, happens. Mew doesn't even follow THAT. She defies all forms of logic simply by existing. Her mind is, quite simply, a paradox divided by zero. The chicken or the egg, the false/true paradox, all flow their roots from her. Physics, time, space, reality itself doesn't bend to her will; it explodes when she comes in contact with it. When she was born in that void, she didn't help banish it- It was so confused by her it fled whenever she came within a hundred miles of it, even though space didn't even exist then. She took the rock to heavy to lift AND ATE IT."

"..."

"Sorry, I tend to rant. But everything you heard is true."

"By any chance, was she responsible for the Veilstone city pudding bombing?

"And more. Name any natural disaster, any man-made disaster, hell, even black holes are her work."

"What about wars?"

"She WAS the nuclear bomb."

"Hm. Well. I...I don't have a response to that."

"With Mew, no one does."

"Well, Mr. Arceus, I think we've learned a lot about you and your fellow legends."

"No problem. Thank you for coming."

**END**

* * *

**A/N This was a random ridiculous story that popped into my head. It sucks, very much so, but I felt like writing it. I also added no listing of who said what simply because I was too lazy to.**

**And the reason I wrote nothing for Shaymin was because I wouldn't write Shaymin's personality without Chaotic-iak's approval. Don't want to upset anyone further than I already have, after all!**

**Adam wasn't included in this because he doesn't have Pokemon status. Yet. Spoiler alert!**

**So, yeah. Hope you enjoyed!**


End file.
